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The members are great, but the club sucks.

There's this club. You DO NOT want to join. Its members sob for no apparent reason and their hearts are held together by all sorts of threads. The initiation is that you lose a child, and because of the horrific days that follow, you just belong.

But, I've been told by those who were part of the club before my time, that you shouldn't hate. And you should only exert energy to laugh, even when it takes every bit of strength you have. So, I, for once, am following rules to the t. I'm not going to hate. As badly as I want to hate this situation and have something to focus on, instead of this awful gut wrenching pain, I will not hate.

Hate will not be what I become. She tried far too hard to laugh her way through the pain that sometimes held her captive.

I'm not sure how such a horrible club has members who are filled with such love for me. But, it does. They text me and message me many times a day to be sure I'm not straying down any unknown dark paths. Just reminders to breathe and feel the love and try so hard to laugh at the so many silly memories.

I am blessed by her very best friends sharing pictures of her, so I can be reminded that she knew how to laugh, and she learned one thing from me, for sure, you surround yourself with the very best people and nothing less. She for sure had that!

Yesterday, Josh, Stephen, Boo and I were able to laugh. It was sometimes a teensy chuckle that we made into a laugh because we knew she would want us spending the energy on laughter.

Please please don't forget her beautiful smile.

Oh sweet girl, I love you forever!


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